i wish my penis had a tongue
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
