Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
