I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I could fuck to npr.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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