Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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