I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
