Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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