Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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