My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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