just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
and she was petting her beer can
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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