I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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