addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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