look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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