i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
