She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I looked at my own cervix.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize