Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
No subtext here. People are naked.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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