Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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