I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
