Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
