i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures