Don't make out with my wife yet
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.