We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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