Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
