i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
