its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
