guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
