You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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