Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You've changed since you got that strap on
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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