She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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