A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
