R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
