the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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