It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
