i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
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walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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