he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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