He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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