do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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