and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
