If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
