suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
