Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
