i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
