Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
