Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
