Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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