so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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