She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
