so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
