Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize