Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
