I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
