I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
