Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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