Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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