so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
