Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
