Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She's not a foreskin expert like you
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
