My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
