why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
