It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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