are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
