i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
