i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize