I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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