i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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