Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
