Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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