A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
