nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
