To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
