At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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