for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
