I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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