"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
